Trauma healing journey with the help of DMT (Ayahuasca) plant medicine. 🌱
I spent 2 hours sitting on the floor of my house, rocking and weaving, crying and sobbing and howling. I washed my face with what felt like gallons of tears. I felt the physical and emotional pains of those old memories as if they were new.
And having to face the reality that I’m also responsible for the trauma I received as an adult.
One of my neighbors came to me in tears asking if I’d call an ambulance to take them to the hospital, they’d tried to kill themselves and still wanted to commit suicide.
If each year of my life has a theme, 2024 might be my year for vulnerability.
After sharing some of my DMT experiences, a friend of mine suggested I try Kambo. “Great for cleansing the body,” as he put it. My phone started showing me all the advertisements for plant medicine ceremonies and one of them was local to me; just 10 minutes away. A Kambo + Bufo experience.
I remember as a child, getting so angry at people I’d clench and grind my teeth until they ached. I would sit in silence imagining I was grinding that person’s bones into dust with my teeth. Always in silence.
Starts with talking about being groomed by the ex-fiancé of one of my sister’s as a child, and his goal of having sex with every woman in our family. During this memory my top lip felt like it was on fire. Then going over being assaulted at work and threatened/stalked by security. My spirit guides inform me that they were the ones who broke my neck (literally), to get me out of the bad situation. Winding down for sleep. Brief mention that the key to the black box (fully repressed memories) is in my cheeks.
Gratitude towards my spirit guides for this experience. Them telling me I’m supposed to forget these memories, but they were too much at the time to process them. Talking about breast implant surgery.
Talking with my spirit guides about it being safe to sleep now. A lot of family stuff comes up in this clip, especially my mother’s lying. My guides tell me I’m storing this trauma in my low back. And the impetus for running away to live in an Ambulance. Lots of physical movement during this time, and my guides telling me to take a potty break.
Another mention of the black box (fully repressed memories) near the end when I start talking about suddenly getting sick and gaining weight as a child. Mention that some of the issues with my mother are stored in my organs.
This starts out with my spirit guides revealing the meaning of visions I had in Ayahuasca ceremonies almost two decades ago. My desire for someone to kill my physical body (to end my spiritual suffering), followed by a difficult memory of nearly being killed by a man when I was just 21 years old.
My spirit guides are friendly and supportive throughout the session. This starts out asking what I really want, do I want to be alone forever. A memory comes up of being assaulted by an ex-boyfriend in my car. Followed by a memory of being attacked with a knife by one of my sisters as a young child. And internalizing the feeling that my parents must not want me to be alive when they won’t keep me safe from her.
My spirit guides are friendly and supportive throughout the session. This starts out recalling memories of sleeping in my bed that was actually part of a closet in my parents bedroom. After that we chat a little asking why, when I was only 5 years old, I had it in my mind that I wanted to be a playboy model and made my Barbie’s prostitutes during play time. Following that is a lot of casual chatter about random topics, reminding myself to take care of my body, and physically moving around. My guides also reassured me that I was welcome to visit anytime, which was a concern I’d had from my first session.
Starts out largely with casual conversation between me and my spirit guides. They are friendly and supportive throughout the session. Near the end I process a bit of a memory from being strangled by my ex-husband.
This was a bit of a last-minute session; I hadn’t planned on doing it in advance. In fact, I was going to go roller skating.
But the whole day had been stressful and tiring in an odd sort of way. I laid down and napped for a few hours. When I woke up I felt this urgency that I needed to do a session; and I’m glad I did.
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