Today I miss him. Not always strong but lingering mostly. Miss the way he smelled and felt and felt me. The times in bed playing footsie. Asking me “why are you so far away” an invitation to cuddle me. Him being right “you don’t know what love is” so telling. And me wanting to prove him wrong so wrongly. I miss sleeping on his chest hand on my hair caressing. Imagining he was someone truly, just for me, caring. But not the exhaustion I’m missing. To the ends of the earth crazy overwhelming. Everything I never imagined I’d become becoming me. And I still miss him. For his face in every others I spend searching. Predetermined they won’t measure up I'm cursing. Sick and vile. Toxic ass smile. A ghost, g-host, extra always, The Most.