Today I miss him.

Not always
strong 
but lingering
mostly.

Miss the way he smelled
and felt
and felt me.

The times in bed
playing footsie.

Asking me “why are you 
so far away”
an invitation to
cuddle me.

Him being right
“you don’t know
what love is”
so telling.

And me wanting 
to prove 
him wrong
so wrongly.

I miss sleeping
on his chest
hand on my hair
caressing.

Imagining he was
someone truly,
just for me,
caring.

But not the
exhaustion
I’m missing.

To the ends
of the earth
crazy 
overwhelming.

Everything I never
imagined
I’d become
becoming me.

And I still miss him.

For his face
in every others
I spend searching.

Predetermined
they won’t measure
up
I'm cursing.

Sick and vile.
Toxic ass smile.

A ghost,
g-host,
extra always,
The Most.
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