Since I was 14, I only knew of men in their 20s and 30s and 40s giving me compliments and telling me anything they could to make me consider giving myself to them.
When I was 16 one of these men had my attention and did his best to convince me we were soulmates. That we’d be together forever. That nobody could love me as he would. And then he told me about all the sexual things we’d do together, in great detail.
This man was a friend of my family. His family put great effort into us being together. My family encouraged it in their own way. He was in his twenties. This lasted 3 years.
When I was 19 I met a man who was much better at manipulating women and he fooled me into thinking we really were soulmates. When he pulled a knife on my dad to keep me with him I finally saw that things weren’t really as I had imagined them all along.
And so it continued, meeting older men who were good at manipulating me and I was so desperate to feel what I thought would be real love that I ignored everything terrible and awful.
I often feel like that immature 16-year-old longing and pleading and begging.
All emotion and no reason.
Time to grow the fuck up.
