I have body dysmorphia.
When I look at myself and feel my body it is full of flaws.
I am grossly unattractive and overweight.
Until I see a photograph of me from a year ago, or two years ago, or ten.
And I compare how I felt about myself then to how I think I look in the photograph. They never align.
I feel confusion, because the date of that photograph I saw myself as hideous.
And looking at the image now I think “wow, I’ve always looked the same. Slim and cute.”
I’ll stare for too long, wondering how I ever thought differently.
Then put the photograph away and look at myself disgustedly.
It’s a thought I cannot escape.
When I drew this I was ashamed of it. I saw it full of flaws.
And looking back I think, “it could never be more perfect.”
And I feel the same sort of confusion as when I look at my body now and then and never quite see the reality of it.
