I drew this girl on a flight from Florida to Seattle.
Only a few weeks had passed since I tried to commit suicide.
I wrote Broken Bird after I got home from the hospital.
The trip to Florida was stressful, but in many ways it helped me find my own freedom.
I called the crisis line a few times the first night of the trip when I couldn’t get my circular thoughts and emotions under control.
I highly recommend the crisis, even if you aren’t suicidal but are struggling. They are very helpful, I wish I had known I could call for any reason sooner.
The rest of that week got better. Spending time with very good friends helped me step back and see what I value in relationships. I was also able to be honest with myself that I needed to permanently eject some people from my life if I wanted to thrive and not just survive.
Until then, I had only been surviving life for several years.
On the flight home, I felt calm and centered, the first I could remember.
The novel feeling of being at peace further cemented the changes I knew I needed to make for myself.
I remembered a photo I had previously seen of a girl in bunny ears and felt like I needed to draw her. I love rabbits, I think they’re good luck (just not the feet! Dear Mathilda leave them with their goddamn feet!).
This girl felt very much like me when I was done. I was instantly in love and felt awe at her. My favorite drawing at the time. The first drawing I’ve done that I could honestly say I’d get tattooed.
And I also realized that if I could love something as simple as this girl who reflected some tiny piece of myself, then I could genuinely love my own complex-self.
There were still a lot of struggles once I got home, a lot of times I felt deep depression and out-of-control emotions. But it got better day by day.
In my mind, I knew where I was headed and just needed time and commitment to get through the landmines.
